The #CrateChallenge And You: What Stacking Crates and Walking on Them Teaches Us About The Human Condition and Society

Nothing.

Are you fucking kidding me? It teaches us absolutely nothing. I hope you didn’t think there was about to be some academic discussion about poverty and hood entertainment.

Or depth.

Fuck that.

Some people are gluttons for punishment or cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Full stop.

I hope all your cousins (and mine) are okay. My folks be callin’ in Washington, D.C., to rent cars for them for a day—in Georgia to run errands so I know they all ain’t got health insurance. Clinics are finna be lit. Like, you either complete it successfully or you get hurt, there is no middle ground.

(Oh, for the uninitiated, please go to your nearest social media apparatus and type in #CrateChallenge and watch social Darwinism at work. And this ain’t just Black shit; its people shit. As of right now, on Instagram there are over 10,000 videos. Like 8 of them are successfully completed. That’s a lot of injuries. Please see below.)

I live in a neighborhood that specializes in Hood Olympic sports. I’ve seen Computer Chair 100M races. I live across the street from a grocery store; the kids jack shopping carts and race them shits down my street. My street also is lined with cars parked on curbs. My very nice vehicle was hit and scratched by a shopping cart that went off track. The crate challenge to me is the same shit. I’m waiting RIGHT NOW for a collection of crates to show up in the small open grassy knoll (I’m not sure if I have a knoll…well gotdamn, I just looked it up, I do not not have a knoll—a small hill or mound—I just have bitch ass patch of grass) across from my house. And you know what, I will be the first one out there filming the failures and wishing quick recoveries; I’ve seen these kids in my neighborhood run after one another. There ain’t an athlete in the whole lot.

If you have successfully completed the #CrateChallenge consider yourself lucky, otherwise I hope you have good health insurance and if you’re Black and hurt (physically, not socially or psychologically) take your ass to the doctor. You ain’t gettin’ no younger champ, those injuries linger. Also, I’d suggest you get your cousins up on concussion protocols stat because the videos I’m seeing are FULL of concussions.

As if COVID ain’t bad enough.

Oh, and where the fuck are you all getting all those damn crates??

Thank you for coming to my PanamaTalk.