There Is Nothing Wrong With Twinks, Meredith

Not all the news, but all the news you actually care about.

Photo: Bravo

WHY I’M LEAVING NEW YORK: Well, Bravo is still headquartered there, and our favorite apple holders are still there, but the season 13 reunion for RHONY departed before it even moved in. After pushing the date back for weeks, then saying it would film in late September or early October (nearly a month after the season finished), Bravo finally pulled the plug.

“Due to scheduling challenges around taping the reunion of The Real Housewives of New York City in a timely manner, Bravo confirmed there will not be a reunion for this season,” Bravo said in a statement. “It’s disappointing to not be able to bring the cast back together, but we are happy to have ended on such a high note with the finale, and are now shifting our focus to next season.”

How many lies can we spot here? The biggest one is calling that finale, which was lower than SpongeBob’s pineapple at the bottom of the sea, a “high note.” Maybe that note was so high that only dogs and Aviva Drescher heard it, because 300,000 fewer viewers tuned in for this finale than the last one. And scheduling conflicts? Andy Cohen says “jump” and these women say, “Into which bush?” They get a financial bonus for taping the reunion and they all want to keep this job. There is no conflict the network and producers can’t force into resolution. Hell, they could pull a Zoom-union together in three hours and it would still look better than Bravo Chat Room.

The Instagram account Real Housewives Franchise has a different theory. It speculates that maybe these “conflicts” were just a way of protecting one of the show’s biggest asses — sorry, I mean biggest assets — Ramona Singer. One way of keeping her away from the criticisms of racism and bad behavior at the reunion is, well, not to have a reunion at all.

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE: While the RHONY reunion got canned, it sounds like the RHOBH reunion is going to be one for the ages. It filmed in LA on September 10, but, based on the women’s rag-tag ensembles, it does not look like there was any predetermined dress code. On the 13th, Andy Cohen said on his radio show that Erika Jayne “answers everything.” He continued: “I will say, we did a big chunk of her marital drama earlier in the day, and then I would say the last 90 minutes was a very spirited conversation about the case and what’s going on.”

Some sources say Bravo knew this would be a ratings boon, so they really pressured Andy to ask Erika the hard questions. But it’s not only Erika who’s in the hot seat. Hollywood Life says that Lisa Rinna and Garcelle Beauvais really “went at it.” I don’t know what was said, but I can already tell you that I’m Hashtag Team Garcelle.

MILLIONS OF PEACHES, PEACHES FOR ME: Millions of peaches, peaches for free. Sorry — much like Lisa Rinna’s hair, I got stuck in the late ‘90s for a second. The reason we’re talking about peaches is because there’s been a lot of gossip about the RHOA lineup. The biggest news is that Porsha Williams is said to be opting out of the upcoming 14th season. It could be to film her own spinoff show, or it could be that she doesn’t want scrutiny surrounding her new fiancé, whom she stole from a former castmate. Maybe it’s both? It also sounds like Cynthia Bailey-Hill won’t be back for season 14, but we will still see her on Ultimate Real Housewives Girl’s Trip All Stars or whatever we’re calling it now.

Rounding out the RHOA cast will be perpetual fan favorite Kandi Burruss, our favorite villain Kenya Moore, and sophomore housewife Drew Sidora. Also supposedly in the cast are once and future champion Sherée Whitfield and always-a-bridesmaid Marlo Hampton. According to The Sun, both of them will be full-time cast but with starter Housewife salaries (which is about $60,000 for a season), but I doubt that’s true of Marlo. She was making way more than that as a friend-of, but still. #GiveMarloAPeach. And there’s one thing all the gossips seem to agree on: NeNe Leakes will not be back. BLOOP!

There will also be a “new girl,” and B Scott, the gossip blog Kenya admitted to actually leaking info to during BoloGate, says it’s former Olympian Sanya Richards-Ross. An Olympian! We’ve never had one of those before.

ERIKA UPDATES: This is the time during the scandal’s lifecycle when all the former Housewives come out and say they totally knew Tom Girardi was a crook way before the rest of us did. Bethenny Frankel started the trend on her podcast; she claims her late almost-fiancé Dennis Shields knew Tom because they both worked in the legal profession and he told her four years ago that Tom owed him $500,000. “Dennis said to me … ‘He doesn’t have money. He owes everybody money,’” she said on the show. “And I go, ‘What are you talking about? How is she flying around on [private planes]?’ And he said, ‘It’s because he’s using people’s money to support her lifestyle. He’s using the company’s money to support her lifestyle.’” People has more on her claims, if you care to go deep.

Erika’s lawyer wasn’t so happy about that. “To me, this is another example of people trying to throw dirt on Erika based on alleged conversations (this time, with an individual, Dennis [Shields], who I understand is deceased) where even the perpetrator of the gossip says Erika wasn’t involved,” Evan Borges told “Page Six.”

Next up is Camille Grammer (née St. Camille of Grammer). She said on Twitter that one of the other Housewives told her about Tom’s financial woes at Andy Cohen’s infamous baby shower back in 2019. Okay, anyone else? Kathryn Edwards, would you like to weigh in? Oh, you do? Well, I was only asking facetiously.

Everyone is speculating about how much Erika knew and when, and one intrepid paparazzi had the nerve to ask Tom Girardi right to his face. He asks, “Did Erika know anything?” Tom, who looks a bit frail and out of it, eventually responds, “I think she does.” I don’t think this is the bombshell everyone wants it to be, and it seems like Tom might be answering a different question than the one he was asked. You should watch the whole video before making up your mind. Or just jump to conclusions on Twitter. It is, after all, the national pastime of the Real Housewives Institute.

HOUSEWIVES INSTITUTE SOCIETY PAGES: 

• Our condolences to Victoria Denise Gunvalson Jr.’s fiancé, Steve Lodge, who lost his bid to become California’s governor in the recent recall election. He came in at 28th place with 4,025 votes.
• Congratulations to Kathy Hilton for her debut as a clothing designer: She walked out of an L.A. eatery wearing a toga fashioned out of a tablecloth. Klassic Kathy.
• Braunwyn Windham-Burke is back on the market after breaking up with fellow former RHOC lesbian Fernanda Rocha.
• This is a classified ad for Melissa Gorga’s shore house, Gabagool Gables, which is now on the market for $2.9 million.
• This is not a classified ad for Sonja Tremont Morgan’s (of the Remax Realtor Morgans) Manhattan townhouse and Wesson Oil depository. After eight years she has taken it off the market without an offer.
• This is a notice that Katie Cunningham, who wrote an excellent article in The Guardian about finding the franchise, now owes the Institute her dues, which amount to a hat from The Agency and one (1) casserole.
• Finally, a big mazel to friend-of-the-Institute Dave Quinn, who has a new book about the franchise coming out next month on Andy Cohen’s imprint. Hmmm. A book about the Real Housewives franchise. Where did Andy ever get that idea?? One day I will tell you all about the behind-the-scenes drama, but until then, go buy Dave’s book.